Pick Me A Letter

There are many dorky things about me, and one is that I really enjoy watching Wheel of Fortune. I know it’s not exactly “popular” for my generation, but I don’t care! It’s too much fun seeing how quickly I can solve the puzzles. It relaxes me. And I feel so accomplished when I figure out the puzzles before any of the contestants do. Or when I pick the right letters and they don’t. Especially in the bonus round! I have "won" quite a few cars, SUV's, and tons of cash over the years. Every time I watch and do well, I tell myself (and my poor family), “I gotta get on this show!!” I have tried in the past, but now it’s seriously time to try again.

When we lived in San Diego, I tried to get an audition. The big Wheel of Fortune bus was parked at the Del Mar Fairgrounds and they had a little set assembled outdoors with a little wheel and letter board and everything. I was there in the crowd, took my number, held my little pink application paper, hoping to get picked out of the hundreds of people there- just for a chance to try out for the show. It was amazing how many people were there just trying to get picked for an audition. It was a fun experience, but I didn’t get picked.

So tonight I was watching the show and saw a young girl (fresh out of high school) win a trip to Spain. NO FAIR! And then the Wheel Watchers Club SPIN ID number came up and I thought to myself, “WHY am I not in this club?” So I went and signed up. And I applied online to be a contestant. I just gotta take a more active approach to this thing and make it happen!

I’ll be keeping my eyes open for whenever the Wheel Mobile heads to Portland or Seattle, and when it does, I AM SO THERE! It’s either that or walk around in New York City hoping to get into Ben Bailey’s cab. My chances are definitely better with Pat and Vanna...wouldn't you agree?

This Time Last Year

I have been ill for the entire past week with a dreadful sinus infection and the beginnings of bronchitis. I can’t stand being sick! It puts a halt on everything, including the blog, I’m afraid. I’ve been in major survival mode, so all of the “extras” went on back burner. There are no shortage of blog entries in my head, only a shortage of time and energy to type them out. But with 12 days of school left, I am nearing a season of rest and relaxation (and blogging!?) and I'm really looking forward to that. There's sooooo much I want to do this summer!

I was thinking a lot today about this time last year. So many things are different for me now. And some things are the same. Isn’t it amazing how much can change in a year? And how much can stay the same despite our efforts to change them? For example...

This time last year, I was finishing up a really wonderful year teaching some VERY sweet 1st graders (pictured above—aren’t they cute??). Now, I am finishing a great challenging year teaching some pretty awesome middle and high schoolers. (Also cute in their own way!)

This time last year, I was exhausted physically from school. It was a GOOD tired. Same is true now.

This time last year, I was exhausted mentally from being away from Mark for too long. I’m so much healthier mentally with him around.

This time last year, I was rip-roaring READY to get up to Washington.
Right now I’m just rip-roaring to get out and SEE Washington.

This time last year I was spending time on South Padre Island with my beloved family. We were all missing Dad but enjoying being together. This time of year does NOT feel right without a trip to Padre. Not being there makes a void in my heart. And I still miss Dad.

This time last year, my foot pain had not started yet. I was actually able to walk a long way and exercise on a treadmill. This summer, thanks to another cortisone shot in the heel and my mother-in-law’s foot massage machine, I may actually get to be active like that again. That’s the plan, anyway. My feet seem to be healing (heeling?? ha ha)…ever so slowly.

This time last year, God was showing Himself faithful to me, in spite of financial burdens and not knowing where I would be working after the summer. Those "burdens" are still there, but God is still faithful as ever. And I have no doubts He will take care of us far beyond our expectations.

So I wonder what I’ll be doing this time next year...

Normal Wear and Tear

Pictured here is my precious son Matthew Manuel and three pairs of his blue jeans, which he got NEW for Christmas. Take special notice to the knees (click on the picture for a close-up). Is this not a great visual representation of an ACTIVE 7-year old boy? Matthew has two other pair of jeans that look the same way. AND a pair of corduroys AND 2 pairs of sweats with the SAME holes in the knees. Notice how they're not just small holes. They're like shredded.

It's kind of funny and cute-but also kind of frustrating-how quickly he will wear out the knees in his pants. He LOVES to slide on floors and he's always crawling around doing something on the floor or ground. He still loves setting up his dominoes and he plays with Koopa a lot on the floor. Also, he's recently discovered the fun of skateboarding, and enjoys "riding" the skateboard on his knees, pushing himself forward with his hands. (You can imagine the look of his hands after that, too!) The knee pads I have for him are a little big for him, and thus kind of uncomfortable, and I haven't insisted he wear them. But I think I'm going to have to now, not only to protect his knees but to save me in clothing replacement costs! I have patched some of the pants that were patchable, but a few of them have been reincarnated into SHORTS for summer.

I was just thinking about how few of Matthew's clothes get passed down to cousins, compared to Hannah's clothes. Matthew's stuff just gets too worn out to be worn anymore. Boys will be boys! ;-) I am thankful that Matthew is healthy enough to run around like he does. Those dirty handprints on the doors and worn-out knees are sweet in their own way, you know?? I really don't mind it.

Missions or Bust

I am fascinated by CULTURE and always will be. It's incredible to me how differently people live around the world. I am so intrigued by other countries and the people that live in them. I'm also intrigued by missionaries who go to remote places and really dig in and get things done for God. Sometimes it's all I think about. Don't get me wrong---I love the USA and I am very PROUD to be an American (most of the time). But I am always imagining myself in SOME OTHER COUNTRY. Partly due to a desire to actually BE THERE, and partly just thinking about what it would be like to be there (the great mysterious unknown adventures to be had). I'm not sure why I'm so taken with BEING SOMEWHERE ELSE. It used to be discontentment, but I no longer feel it's that. I'm not sure what it is. Maybe a burden God's given me for a reason?!? It's been ever since I was a little girl. I mean, I can remember being 5 years old and playing "missionary nurse in Africa". This has been a lifelong thing for me.

So I've been thinking about this in a new light. At first, it started out as a completely unrealistic thought process. Basically, I thought that if I ever came into a whole lot of money and didn't have to work for awhile, I would plan out an entire YEAR of travelling to all of the places I dream of visiting. Except instead of doing the tourist thing and spending ridiculous amounts of money on frivolousness, I'd visit missionaries in those places. I'd stay with them for 2-4 weeks and get to see first-hand what they do. I'd take each of them a big package of things from America that they miss having. I'd try to encourage the missionaries I visit and somehow help them out. And I'd spend a little time learning enough of the language to roughly communicate with the people there.

This would just be amazing for me. BUT, there's little to no chance that I'll ever have the funds for such an excursion. A whole year travelling around doing nothing else!?! Highly unlikely!!

BUT what if I just went one place every year? That HAS to be doable! Especially with teaching and having summers off, I could take the time to do such a thing, even for us to go as a family or for me to go with the kids. The more I think about this, the more I want to MAKE IT HAPPEN. I'm serious. Instead of pouring money into big vacations, I want to do a "family missions trip" once a year for the next however-many years. I love to imagine all that Hannah and Matthew would learn, too, and how it would open their eyes to the world and to missions. I think it would fill this constant "void" in me of wanting so badly to be directly involved more in foreign missionary work. I don't know, maybe it would make it worse, but it would give me something to work toward every year, and save for, etc. etc. etc.

When I was at college, I saw a missionary documentary called "Ee-Tauo" about an evangelistic outreach in Papua New Guinea. It affected me for a long time because it was so inspiring. And just tonight, I found a part of it on YouTube. WOW. Watching it again made me so excited again for those missionaries that were there, and what the tribal people experienced. This is about 10 minutes long, but if you have the time, please watch it! It's awesome to see the Holy Spirit working in hearts-and to see people come to understand for the first time- what Jesus did for them. It overwhelms me with excitement. And I think I will begin planning the first Blanton mission trip very VERY soon! Somewhere close like in Canada?!?!? ;-)

Mama

Last Sunday was Mother's Day and it was extra special to me because of the health problems that Mark's Mom has experienced in the past few weeks. We found out last Friday that she does have cancer. Her prognosis is better than it COULD be (1-3 years) because of the type of cancer cells they have found in her body (small cell vs. large cell). Her neurosurgery went smoothly and the surgeon was able to remove all of the cyst and MOST of the tumor growing on her brain. She is recovering very well and has an amazingly happy attitude. She is very strong and very much herself.

I've also been missing my own Mom like crazy. I've been a little "homesick" for my family lately, and am SERIOUSLY considering taking an Amtrak trip down to Texas with the kids this summer. I am so proud of my mother--of how strong she has been since Dad died. And how she gives and gives. And she's always there when I need a soft shoulder to cry on.

This week, Mark discovered a beautiful song called "Mama", sung by the vocal tenor group IL DIVO. If you haven't heard of them, they have some BEAUTIFUL Spanish songs and some really nice love songs. I plan to make a video to "Mama" as a gift for Connie early this summer. I am posting the video below so you can listen to it. I hope you enjoy it as much as we do.

I feel blessed continually to have TWO Moms that are loving and giving. BOTH of them have taught me by example about the Mom I need to be. The things our Moms do for us teach us subtly how to GIVE and give selflessly to our own kids, and it will make them good Moms and Dads, too. And their kids will be good Moms and Dads. Good parenting IS hereditary!! We learn by example and we teach what we know.

PROVERBS 31:25-28
"Strength and honor are her clothing. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness. She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. HER CHILDREN RISE UP AND CALL HER BLESSED."

Whose Lifeline Am I?

Everybody has times when they feel like giving up. Giving up on a task, on a job, on a person. Giving up on a dream or a goal or even life itself. I am deeply saddened when I see or hear of a person reaching that point. Because it means that person has been overtaken with hopelessness that consumed him, and he had no hope of deliverance, no light at all in that dark, scary place. I'm alarmed by how many people even just around me, even people that I love, struggle with depression and mental anguish that makes them live in daily defeat. (I'm going somewhere with this and I promise I will end this on a positive note!)

I think those of us who are NOT struggling with depression at the present time should realize that we are the lifeline to those who are! Literally we are holding the life preserver (but too often we forget we're holding it). People all around us are facing severe hardships in their hearts. We must be sensitive to their needs and MINISTER, MINISTER, MINISTER as we are led by the Spirit. And we must never think that we are "immune" as Christians, or as "strong" people, because later on in life, we might need someone ELSE to be a lifeline for us! I think of depression like quicksand. You can't get out of it by yourself. The more you struggle alone, the more it covers you. It takes someone else or something else to hold onto--to PULL YOU OUT.

Recently a friend at school lost a good friend, a Christian man in his church, to suicide. This friend of his took his own life, leaving behind a wife and several other children, mostly because of financial problems. And my friend felt so badly that he had not picked up on the "signs"---that he could not realize the pain his friend was enduring. It was such a shock. And just last week, another man at school lost a soon-to-be son-in-law, also due to suicide, also a Christian, and also a shock. When I hear of these things, I do not judge those people for what they did. I understand their hopelessness. I also understand that someone may have been able to help them out of that quicksand, if they knew they were in it. Someone who is hurting really badly will not always let anyone KNOW that they're in pain. But the Holy Spirit can clue us in! Even the little things we do for others can "rescue" them from darkness.

I remember our friend Manny's testimony--a Puerto Rican guy we know who was in a gang in Philadelphia when he was young. Regularly up to no good and on the fast track to destruction. He hated the life he was in but didn't know how to get out of it. He wanted to kill himself, but there was a girl who would walk by his "hangout" corner and just SMILE the most kind smile, the most sincere smile. He saw her almost every day, and it kept him from killing himself. And finally after awhile, he had the courage to ask her, "Why are you smiling like that every time I see you?". And she shared Jesus with him right then and there. And he went to church with her and he got saved and his whole life was changed. A simple SMILE led to that. You just NEVER know what people are dealing with. We gotta love them even when they're acting like jerks! God, help us see people through YOUR eyes.

I long for heaven. I believe most believers do. Some days I want Jesus to come back so badly I can't stand it! It's hard to wait for it. I want to share with you something that I read that I really like, about how when we get fed up with this life, what we are REALLY longing for deep down is heaven. We long for the life God intended us to have on earth. For EDEN. Lost people and saved people long for this, but we don't always realize that's what we're longing for.

"We are homesick for Eden. We long for what the first man and woman once enjoyed- a perfect and beautiful earth with free and untainted relationships with God, each other, animals, and our environment. Every attempt at human progress has been an attempt to overcome what was lost in the Fall. We live our lives on a sin-corrupted earth, between Eden and the New Earth, but we must never forget that this is not our natural state. Sin and death and suffering and war and poverty are not natural-they are the devastating results of our rebellion against God. We long to return to Paradise- a perfect world, without the corruption of sin, where God walks with us and talks with us in the cool of the day. Because we're human beings, we desire something tangible and physical, something that will not fade away. And that is exactly what God promises us- a home that will not be destroyed, a kingdom that will not fade, a city with unshakable foundations, an incorruptible inheritance."

We will reach heaven soon enough---but while we're here in the sin-infested world, we can BUILD the kingdom of heaven by SPREADING HIS LOVE to EVERYBODY we meet. EVERYBODY we come across, even strangers. They are loved by God and we must love them. We could be loving them right to Jesus' feet. If you know someone having a hard time, TALK to them. Tell them they are loved. Tell them WHY THEY ARE HERE and WHY LIFE IS WORTH LIVING. Because it could make a bigger difference than you know.

I am posting a Josh Groban video here that I can't seem to watch enough. I first heard this song a few months ago and it speaks volumes to my heart. Apply the words as though God is singing them straight to you. And as you should sing them to the people who hurt. I love this song and the video. It inspires me to love others more and NOT to GIVE UP on this life.

JUDE 14-25 encapsulate everything I'm trying to say in this entry. These verses tell us exactly how we are supposed to live. They tell us we ARE the lifeline to those lost and drowning in the quicksand, heading for the fire instead of the new Eden. We're here now to do ALL WE CAN for them. IT IS OUR PURPOSE.

Basil Perfection

I am supposed to be grading right now (ssshhh! don't tell anyone). I am procrastinating BIG TIME. (I'm a professional procrastinator.) So this will be a SHORT post.

I've been wanting to post something about BASIL. Yes, as in the herb. It is my recent obsession in the kitchen. I LOVE LOVE LOVE BASIL. Love the smell of it, the taste--fresh, dried, powdered, it is soooo yummy. The seasoning of seasonings. I've been adding it to just about everything in the past few months and find that it's GREAT on everything so...there you go. It's especially de-lish when combined with tomato or sun-dried tomato. It's been hard to pass up Basil & Sun-Dried Tomato items in the supermarket---like those wheat thins and chips and feta cheese, etc. etc. I've been making pesto with it which is ridiculously addicting. And for an easy treat, I cut up some potatoes and drizzle olive oil on them, then sprinkle them generously with basil and a little sun-dried tomato, and bake them 'til sizzly. Then I add a little grated parmesan or asiago--AWESOME flavor. Mark and I have decided to grow our own herbs and tomatoes this summer on our tiny balcony. Yeah! I want to grow heirloom tomatoes--they are the weirdest looking but in my opinion the most delicious.

And in addition to the basil, I have been rather taken lately with pomegranate. Especially pomegranate JUICE mixed with other juices. I've been mixing it with Crystal Light and Fresca and well, even just a little bit added in my water-- and just like the basil, it's all good!!

Try making the potato thing with a nice salad with olives and a big glass of pomegranate juice in Fresca. You're in for a treat, I tell ya. OK, this post is making me hungry.

I want to write more, but alas---my big bag of papers to grade is SCREAMING my name and the morning comes soon enough as it is. It is beyond necessary that I answer the call. So ADIOS for now, amigos.

Hannah the Drama Queen

Mark and I tease Hannah sometimes about being a Drama Queen. She's not THAT bad, but we like to tease her, and we call her "DQ" whenever she overacts or gets overly excited or upset about something. It's kind of a funny thing (she enjoys playing it up), and since she loves Dairy Queen so much, it kind of "goes".

Well, when I was in San Francisco, I saw this T-shirt in a shop and totally wanted to buy it for Hannah, but was too low on dough. I ended up carrying it half-way to the cash register, then realizing I couldn't possibly justify the purchase, and so I put it back on the rack. The woman I was with in the store (our school's choir director) surprised me 2 days later by giving it to me as a "thank you" gift for playing the piano for the choirs. Yet another one of those "little" things that God saw fit to provide for me. And it made my MONTH because I got to give the shirt to Hannah when I returned home, and now she can wear it with pride and embrace her DQ-ness. :-)

On a somewhat unrelated note:

Around Christmas time, Hannah started talking about getting her hair cut short again. She has enjoyed having long hair, but you know---change is good. Well, she just couldn't make up her mind about it and so I told her, "When you're ready to get it cut, we'll cut it!"

Well, you know how sometimes things happen that just make a decision painfully easy to make? Yyyya.

A few days ago, Hannah was getting ready for school as she always does, except on this particular day, she tried "curling" her hair with my round brush. Maybe every girl must learn the hard way about the dangers of round brushes. I know I did. About 10 minutes before we were supposed to leave for school, she comes and tells me, "We've got a problem, Mom" as I look to see the round brush completely STUCK against her forehead, so closely stuck that it WOULD NOT BUDGE, with LOTS of hair wrapped around it. I was determined to free her hair without having to cut it--I really tried. But I ended up having to cut some of the hair free of the brush, which gave her rather uneven-looking temporary"bangs". Surprisingly, all of this happened with very little drama on her end. She just sat still and let me do my thing. But she had tears at one point, because it did hurt. Poor thing. And so that was the event that decided it was time for a haircut.

She looks so cute and it reminds me of when she was little. And this week I'm making a video of her, which I'll post once it's all complete. She's growing so fast.

Hannah's Diorama

Hannah's class has been studying the American colonies for awhile, and as a "grand finale" to the unit, each person in the class had to create a shoebox diorama representing part of a colony. They will put them all together to make a big colonial "town" for our Open House Tuesday night. I'm excited to see how it looks.

So Hannah decided she wanted to make a colonial church. I thought that was an awesome idea. We spent several hours this weekend doing the project together. We used two shoeboxes to give it more height. We also used a good amount of paint, glue, and jumbo popsicle sticks. We finished it this morning (after Hannah served me breakfast in bed ). We had so much fun making the church, and Hannah's quite proud of how it turned out.

I'm glad we got to do something creative together on Mother's Day weekend.

Next I will blog about Hannah's haircut AND the shirt she's wearing in these pictures.

Escape to Middle Earth

You’ve heard of comfort food. Do you think there’s such a thing as comfort movies? I do! Comfort movies are the ones you want to go back to when you feel restless-- because they relax you-- or when you just want something familiar that’s really nice to sit and get lost in. They’re the movies you seemingly can never grow bored of. The ones that “get you” every time. For me, there are a few movies like that, but for sure my #1 is Lord of the Rings.

It’s been a few months since I’ve seen any LOTR and I gotta tell ya--I’m havin’ hankerins!! This week I was too busy to do much of anything, and if I tried to watch a movie, I’m sure I would have fallen asleep just from sheer tiredness. But I kept thinking about Frodo and Aragorn and all of those guys from Middle Earth, and I realized I’m long overdue for a viewing! I also realized I’ve never really blogged about these stories I like so much. There’s MUCH I could say, but I’ll keep it brief tonight because I’m rather wiped. "Beginning to feel like butter spread over too much bread…"

For starters, Lord of the Rings is the only movie that has caused me to plan an evening party with friends. I'm not a "party person", but my Lord of the Rings party will forever be a fun memory to me--right down to the pomegranate punch and lembas bread wrapped in banana leaves. It was such a good time. And painting the mural with Renee---well, that’s another vivid memory that I’ll always cherish. The way she came in all smiles with her big bin of acrylics and brushes, rolled up her sleeves, turned on the Enigma music, and got BUSY making the most perfect Frodo face. Uh! I just LOVED everything about it. So much that I took some pictures of it and set it to music. (But managed to get zero pictures of the party. Yes, I’m a dork.) Click on the title of this entry to view the video of our mural.

As far as the movies themselves, I’m blown away by the artistry and the detail that went into them. That just goes without saying. I’ve watched all the Special Features on the DVDs, and I cannot get over what Peter Jackson and all of the crew and cast members did in making those movies. AMAZING.

But beyond the movies even, I love the themes in the stories. I love the Biblical parallels and the imagining that they stir in me. I love the fact that evil must be eradicated completely, and not just “evened out” with good as in some other stories. I love how good permanently overcomes evil in the end, but not without tremendous sacrifice, selflessness, and toil. The Ring's power is not something to be ignored or embraced, but rather REFUSED and recognized as the horrible thing it is, and destroyed. There’s no doubting its ugly deceitfulness when you see what it did to Smeagol and even what it starts doing to Frodo. I love all of the underlying themes of love and loyalty and friendship. It’s just so beautiful.

When I want to rest for a long while and be swept away by a film that has a little of everything I like, these movies never disappoint. They entertain and encourage me at the same time. They are exciting and thought-provoking and just so well-done.

That's it for tonight's movie review. Time to make some popcorn and find the remote! ;-) HA!


“The chief purpose of life, for any one of us, is to increase according to our capacity our knowledge of God by all the means we have, and to be moved by it to praise and thanks.”
~J.R.R. Tolkien

Balcony Blunders

I was not particularly graceful in my youth (shocking, I know). Several of you who read this blog can attest to that, and you also know that my lack of gracefulness in my pre-adolescence and teenage years has definitely carried over into adulthood. But I’m not as accident-prone as I USED to be! My incidents of falling and dropping things (and sitting on things!) have been pretty few and far between in the past year. My last “serious” injury was when I was packing the moving truck with Joel and Nathan, to move here, and I fell UP the steel ramp (not DOWN it like normal people fall)--- you know, the ramp covered with razor sharp metal teeth. I came away with lovely Zorro-looking “Z”'s on my knees and a few gashes in my hands for the long drive up to Washington. Usually my “oops” incidents are self-induced because I’m hurrying or trying to do too much at once. I am the one-trip QUEEN! Telling myself, “I can totally do this in one trip!” has gotten me into trouble more times than I can say.

Well, I’ve been pretty safe recently except for our balcony. It’s out to get me! Our apartment has a back balcony with a metal railing and not much room for doing much of anything, but we store things out there and occasionally sit out there. A few nights ago I almost tripped over a bucket out there, and it brought to mind the idea for this blog entry.

The kids use their skateboard out on the balcony to “practice” balancing and going back and forth on the board. The other night I went out there (late-after dark) and completely forgot about the skateboard. I didn’t turn the outside light on because I didn’t want to be seen, and well---I don’t THINK anyone saw me NOT SEE the skateboard and- yes- I stepped right on it and took a little ride along the railing, lost my footing, legs went out from under me, and I landed pretty hard, seriously crashing into the railing and breaking my fall with my wrist. I thought I may have broken my wrist at first. I sat there with the wind kind of knocked out of me, skateboard wheels still spinning, and I just started LAUGHING because it was so ridiculous. It was something straight out of a Looney Tunes short or some old silent slapstick comedy movie. No one was awake in the house, so I was able to just enjoy the humility of the moment all by myself. I’m OK but my wrist still isn’t right and I may need to go get it looked at. Could have been much worse, eh?!?

My Christmas decorations were not so lucky. The day we got our Christmas tree, I went out in the evening to get the decorations out of the balcony storage closet. It was VERY windy, cold, and raining at the time, and things were quite slippery out there. I keep our Christmas decorations in a few big plastic Rubbermaid bins. I was hurrying to get them out of the closet quickly, but there were other boxes on top of them, so I kept stacking boxes against the metal railing until I found the Rubbermaid containers, then stacked THEM onto the other SMALLER boxes I had already stacked---so the stack against the metal railing was getting higher and less stable--- but I thought, “It’s just for a few minutes; it’s OK”. You see, I was IN THE MODE (the same mode I get in with the one-trip nonsense). Mark and the kids were inside helplessly looking on (I found out later that Mark was watching me stack the boxes and got increasingly worried but didn’t feel he should say anything. Smart man.) Sure enough, the wind picked up and toppled the LARGEST container over the railing (well, I MAY have bumped it, but that’s not verifiable). And of course the largest container was ON TOP of the other SMALLER boxes, all swaying in the blustery Northwest wind, and it flew right over the edge of the balcony. Sailed down three stories!! Thank the Lord no one was standing below, because I didn’t even have time to say “Look out below!”—it happened so fast. I think I may have even reached for the bin once I realized it was starting to go overboard, but there was no possible way I could have gotten it without going down with it. I heard LOTS of glass breaking as it hit the ground below. I cringed. It was one of those moments where you just look around and ask yourself, “Did that really just happen?” Followed by visions of me super-gluing our precious decorations from Christmases past... ...So we went down and salvaged what we could—which surprisingly was a lot. It was mostly lights in that bin-- thank the Lord again! I was glad I didn’t go over the edge with it…again, could have been much worse!

If someone followed me around with a video camera long enough, they just might eventually get something on tape worthy of AFV’s $10,000 cash prize. Or at least stupidvideos.com! For now, I’m being extra-careful out on that balcony.

My Mom likes to buy T-shirts with kooky sayings on them. I need one that says "I do all my own stunts."

But, God, I'm NOT Good Enough For This!

I used to watch the “Daily Affirmation” skits on Saturday Night Live (usually with Lynlee) and they made us both laugh pretty good. You know, the ones where Stuart Smalley would sit and look in the mirror and tell himself, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and ---- people like me!” I think in some ways I could relate to Stuart Smalley when I was back in high school, because he felt so INADEQUATE so much of the time, and so did I. It was fun to laugh at somebody else who was even more insecure than I was.

As I get older, I wish I could say that I don’t feel so inadequate the way I did back then in high school. But actually, I still do---only in different ways. This inadequacy thing just doesn’t go away, and I don’t believe it completely will until heaven. Some of my insecurities have gone away almost all the way, only to be replaced with new ones. And this past week I’ve been thinking about that, and have realized it’s really something I must be conscious of, but NOT something that should hinder me from doing what I know I’m supposed to do. I’ve been thinking lots about Moses at the burning bush and how he told God that he really was NOT the one to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. And how God answered him. And how it turned out in the end.

Exodus 4:10-12:

Moses said to God, “O my Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue. (This is like me saying, “God, I’ve never been good at…..”---fill in the blank --- or “But, God, I can’t do that because I’m not …….” ---fill in the blank again).

And the LORD said unto him, Who hath made man's mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? Have not I the LORD? Now therefore GO, and I WILL BE WITH THY MOUTH, and I will teach thee what thou shalt say.” (This is like God saying to me, “Davida, didn’t I make you the way you are and don’t I know what I’m doing? Now stop making excuses and get busy! I'm right here with you anyway!”)

God knew the plan for Moses. He wanted Moses to go to Pharoah, despite his speech impediment or whatever it was he was so insecure about. Moses felt completely unsuited for the job, but God knew he was just the man for it. And then He promised him that He’d give Him the words to say. God said HE WOULD MAKE IT HAPPEN, through Moses; Moses had to just act in obedience. I LOVE THAT. That speaks to me because lately I have felt so inadequate in certain areas. The devil would have us believe that we are unfit and unsuited for any tasks set before us, especially those ordained by God (like being a faithful parent, spouse, servant in church, teacher, worker, whatever it is!). The devil would rather us just say, “I’m not good enough to do this right” and in turn not do it at all.

God would rather us put forth our best effort, lean on those around us for help and support when we need it (‘cuz we WILL need it, as hard as it is to admit it), pray for Him to guide every step of every day, and learn from our failures. No one is perfect, though some will act like they are. All of us are “hopelessly flawed”. Moses was. I certainly am. But it doesn’t mean we can’t be used in a big way. And it doesn’t give us any excuse to just sit back and “hide” in the desert while people all around us are suffering in hopeless bondage.

The next time I feel like I’m not doing very well---as a teacher or as a Mom or as a housekeeper or as a wife---I am going to ask myself whether or not I am seriously doing my best and truly striving to do what’s pleasing to God. If I can honestly say, “Yes, I’m doing the best I can possibly do”, then I will tell Satan to GET BEHIND ME. And instead of wallowing in my misery of inadequacies, I’ll go DO SOMETHING that will help me feel better about things---and keep trying again and again to get better at it, but without throwing in the towel or flying off the handle. And THAT will be MY TRUE DAILY AFFIRMATION!

The last thing Jesus told his followers before ascending to heaven was this:

“You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." That power gives us every ability to do everything we need to do. Even if we don’t think we’re particularly “good at it”.