Thoughts (Ramblings?!) on Love and Marriedness and Singleness etc. etc.

I have had some thoughts to write out for some time, regarding singleness and marriedness and love and romance and all that jimble-jamble. And with Valentine’s Day approaching this weekend, and with Lynlee’s status update on Facebook earlier today (I hear ya, my sister!), I decided to just sit down and type out some of those thoughts. I will not write ALL of my thoughts, or this will be pages and pages long, reaching epic proportions if I were to truly write everything down that's in this head of mine. For my friends who aren’t married, my friends who are married, and my friends who are soon to be married, these thoughts I write with you in mind! They are nothing “earth-shattering” to be sure, but you know how I like to wax sentimental sometimes. And I care for you! So here goes:

First, let me say that when I think about the gift of marriage, and all of the gifts that come as a result of it (like our KIDS!), I completely understand why the devil wants to destroy it. Because it truly is a precious gift, precious in the sight of God AND man. Why are people SO HAPPY when a nice young couple gets married? It is because people recognize what a gift their union truly is! “Every good and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.” James 1:17 Marriage is certainly a gift. A gift that is meant to be kept and guarded.

But “the thief cometh to steal, kill, and destroy…” John 10:10. Yes, I talk about the devil a lot. It’s because I see his work all around me, and I see it exponentially in our marriages, and it makes me MAD! I see it in my own marriage, and I must rebuke it constantly. If you’re reading this and you’re married, or soon to be married, you must know that the devil wants to DESTROY your marriage! He wants to take your good and perfect gift away from you and turn it into something you believe to be a curse instead of a blessing. Sounds shocking, I know. It IS shocking. But so true. If you’re not married yet, chances are you will be at some point possibly soon—possibly even sooner than you even think—and this will be true for you, too. We must protect our marriages from the work of the devil, and we must do this consciously, purposely, resolutely!!

Marriage is a picture of Christ’s relationship with his bride, the church. It is fascinating to study the Hebrew traditions of weddings and to understand all of the symbolism that this actually involves. It’s so beautiful! But Satan wants to distort that picture—and all that our marriages stand for. In order to mar the image of Christ in the minds of men. He knows that heartbreak in marriage can cause people to doubt God’s good intentions for them, and ultimately to doubt Christ Himself as the bridegroom.

But the devil doesn’t only do this with people already married. He does it with the unmarried, too, leading them to believe that they are less than blessed in their single life. The solitude of single living can be at times dreadfully lonely and can cause one to doubt God's goodness, God's plan, their worth as an individual, their purpose, everything. I’ve been there. I started believing those lies REALLY good, back in college. The devil wants to steal our joy and steal the abundant life that Christ came to give us. He wants us to focus on all we do NOT have—and wants us to start believing that God is withholding from us. Again, in order to mar the image of Christ in our very minds, to make us deny that His intentions for our lives really are the best.

A long time ago, way before I met Mark, I read something that I have always kept and sometimes I go back and read it again, because it meant a lot to me when I wasn’t married but wanted to be. It was titled, “On His Plan for Your Mate”. I don’t remember where I got it, but I like what it says and I want to share it here:

“Everyone longs to give himself completely to someone. To have a deep relationship with another. To be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God to the Christian says: No, not until you are satisfied- fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone- giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me, having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone. Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found. Then you will be capable of that ‘perfect’ human relationship you dream of.

You will not be truly united with anyone until you are united with Me. Exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or feelings. I want you to stop planning and stop wishing, and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing. I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to give it to you.

Just keep watching Me, expecting great things. Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I AM. Keep listening and learning the things that I tell you. Just wait on Me, that's all! Don’t be anxious. Do not worry. Do not look around at the things others have gotten,or that I have given them. Do not look at the things that you think you want. You just keep looking off and away. Look up to Me or you will miss what I want to show you.

And then when you are ready, I will surprise you with a love far more wonderful than anyone would dream of. You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have prepared for you is ready (I am working even at this moment to have both of youready at the same time)—until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I have prepared for you, you won’t be able to experience that love that exemplifies your relationship with Me. And is, thus, the perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have that most wonderful love. I want you to see, in the flesh, a picture of a relationship with Me. And to enjoy completely the everlasting union of beauty and love that I offer you myself. Know that I love you utterly. I am the Lord your God, the MOST loving. I AM love. Believe it and be satisfied.”


That is not from the Bible, but I think there's a lot of good truth in it.

We are selfish by nature. We want what we want and what we think is best for us. This carries into our marriages. I believe that selfishness kills lots of marriages, even ones that start out great. Being married has certainly taught me just how selfish I truly am. And it has taught me about the kind of selflessness Christ had to have to die the way He did. Putting one’s own desires down for the desires of a spouse does not usually come naturally! But when we do this, it paints that picture of Christ laying Himself down for us. And I believe THAT is what makes a marriage "work"! Seeking the other person’s needs above your own. Whether it feels “fair” or not. Whether it’s fully reciprocated or not! Unconditional selflessness. And in WAITING on God to bring “the one” along, THE ONE that YOU will end up placing above YOURself, a person must not look to his own desires. As hard as that is to keep from doing! Because it will only lead to let-down and disappointment! Honestly, marriage is a long haul of putting down one's self. Does it bear fruit and bring forth reward? Certainly, yes! But before a person says "I do", he must be ready to DIE for the person he is marrying! He must die to self, in a sense, because He is no longer his own self-- the two are become one. He must want the marriage in order to meet the OTHER person's needs, FOR LIFE, motivated by a love so great and so pure that it supercedes his own selfish notions. He must be willing to DIE for the person he loves, without even a thought about it. He must marry not for the fulfillments of his own desires--desires for security, companionship, acceptance--but for the fulfillments of those things FOR THE ONE HE LOVES!

I’m too tired to type anything else, as much as I want to continue---I haven't even scratched the surface really. But I feel myself not making sense anymore. I do want to add one more thing, however. An old blog post from way back in June 2006. I wrote this at a time when I had started doubting God’s timing, and God’s purposes. It kind of relates:

THE PERFECT WORK OF PATIENCE (written 06/25/06)
There are many Bible verses that have impacted my life in a special way, but there is one in particular that actually CHANGED my life at one point (changed my whole OUTLOOK on life). The verse is James 1:4: "LET PATIENCE HAVE HER PERFECT WORK, THAT YE MAY BE PERFECT AND ENTIRE, WANTING NOTHING."

Background info: When I was a junior in college, I went through a serious time of struggle over two main things: 1) I was pursuing a career as a doctor, but it was becoming quite clear that was NOT the direction I was going to go... and ... 2) I wanted badly to find "the one", fall in love and get married, but again, it was becoming CLEAR that was NOT the direction things were heading. I began to think God may want me to remain single my whole life, AND not become a doctor, and believe me--that was hard to accept! Things I pictured for myself by that time in my life were NOT happening the way I pictured them!! And I had a hard time surrendering MY WILL to God's...GIVING the doctor thing AND the husband thing COMPLETELY over to God, for real. One day He led me to find this verse, and it was like a light bulb turning on in my heart (I "SAW THE LIGHT!!"). What I mean is, I realized I was being impatient and focusing on what I did not have, wanting the same things over and over--not content, and definitely not "entire". Three months after claiming this verse and coming to my senses, truly surrendered to whatever God had for me (or did NOT have for me, even a husband), I met Mark.

Well, today God brought this verse back into my mind and heart----and I realized I have lately been at the same place spiritually as I was back then in college---DISCONTENT and IMPATIENT about certain situations--WANTING the same things over and over--and it was like the Lord spoke right to me with this verse!! The past few weeks, I've actually had a pretty poor outlook on things overall---and I believe the Holy Spirit was at work in me today, because that light came on again. I was just washing my face, not thinking about much really, and this verse popped into my mind, and I began to dwell on it and WOW--I had a peace I have not had in awhile. God said, "Remember James 1:4?? You forgot it, didn't you?" (and I had) "You need to think about it again, Davida!!" (so I did) All that to say: Whatever circumstances you may face, where things have not gone the way you wished they had, or things just aren't how you THINK they should be--financially or physically or whatever it is---LET PATIENCE TAKE OVER and work in you. Being truly patient is NOT an easy thing. But letting patience have her perfect work will allow you to reach the point where you are ENTIRE and WANT FOR NOTHING. Psalm 23:1!! And if a verse just "pops into your head" out of the blue, maybe there's a reason God is bringing it to your attention! Maybe He is speaking to you and you have to be like Samuel and say, "SPEAK, LORD, for Your servant HEARETH!!" ... I'm listening now, God... I know it's YOU and I'm ready to do what You say.


So in closing, friends, it is my prayer that God’s perfect will be worked in your life. May you hold fast to the promises of His Word and His perfect love for you! In your married life or in your single life---whatever life you are living---God wants to teach you something. And above all, He wants to BLESS you!! So that you will BLESS HIM and OTHERS.

~With love in God, Who is LOVE HIMSELF ~Davida