"But be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind..." ~Romans 12:2~I have been purposely making efforts to RENEW my mind the last few days, according to this verse. By consciously, purposely CHOOSING NOT TO BE NEGATIVE.
The need for this renewal became VERY evident to me the other night, at the end of a "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day". I had let my emotions rule my behavior for the majority of the day, like brat children lying on the floor pounding fists and flailing around while screaming and throwing their toys. Granted, I was not doing that outwardly, but mentally I was. And it wasn't pretty.
Upon walking the dog in my most GRUMPY of moods, I wanted to post a status on Facebook, declaring that "picking up doggie doo-doo is a perfectly fitting ending to some days". But as soon as I thought to type that, I realized that it was a direct outward expression of my grouchy heart. I thought, "How negative can I be?!" and "Who really wants to read about my bad day?" And then it hit me hard again this weekend, when I began realizing how OFTEN I was allowing myself to be dreadfully negative in my mind, and how it was affecting my actions.
My negative thoughts do not always show through in my actions, and certainly not right away. But sooner or later, they do. What I choose to think about will eventually drive me. I know this. "As a man thinketh in his heart, SO IS HE." (Proverbs 23:7) A very sobering truth.
I understand more all the time how I naturally move TOWARD those things that I regularly choose to dwell on, in my thought life.
For example, I regularly think negatively about a school week starting, especially after a vacation like we just had. I often spend Sunday evening in the doomsday dumps, feeling sorry for myself and wishing I had more time off, thinking of all that could go wrong the next day, etc. Yesterday I began to get sucked in to this thinking. And I KNOW the Holy Spirit CONVICTED me of it, and told me STRAIGHT OUT, "STOP these thoughts, Davida! Stop them NOW!" Romans 12:2 came to mind. And so instead, I immediately and deliberately began to think about all the good qualities of my students and co-laborers.
I began to think about how bad things COULD be, as opposed to how they ARE. I began to focus on the privileges that lie before me every single day at school. And I felt ashamed of myself for the way I had behaved in my mind. I even felt excited to get to school. I experienced a complete turn-around IN MY MIND. But I had to do it on purpose. And I had to do it through the Lord's Spirit- prompting and aiding me to make the change in HIS POWER! I made a personal vow before the Lord, to stop complaning about school AT ALL. So far so good! (It's been just over 24 hours!) I think this will revolutionalize my outlook on every morning, every challenging moment, every tiring afternoon. Every time I am tempted to throw a mental tantrum about anything school-related.
There are plenty of things for me to dwell on negatively. The world would be inclined to say that I am even "justified" in my negativity. "After all, life has been very hard these past two years." I buy into the lies the world tells~ the lies the enemy tells! The Lord has called me to FREEDOM, not captivity!! A person freed from bondage does not walk around putting his chains back on. A free person demonstrates his liberties with attitudes of JOY and HOPE, not of despair! I will blog more soon because I have a lot of thoughts. But I encourage anyone reading this- who struggles with negativity at all- to start with ONE thing you tend to dwell on that is negative. And purpose in your heart to think differently about that one thing. And see where it leads!
Hopefulness or hopelessness is a CHOICE we all must make. Self-pity or self-confidence is a CHOICE. Smiling or frowing is a CHOICE! Lashing out or speaking in love IS A CHOICE! The Lord will give us the fortitude to face our hardships as they come, graciously, patiently, and reverently before Him and others. NOT kicking and stomping like a spoiled child losing control of his temper. The Lord expects more from us as His children of light. How we choose to think WILL direct how we act. Think free, act free, BE free!!!
End of story.
1 comment:
I love these glimpses into your mind and soul, Div! ESPECIALLY because I can so much relate. The apple does not fall far from the tree. I resort to grouch behavior often, especially when I get overtired, or somebody is not giving me my way! What ugly idolatry it is! I can be a dragon. I remember when I lived with Joel and Renee sometimes they would just tell me to go to bed! A close friend of mine once too told me to go take a nap! Even the midwives in my first weeks with babies tell me to put that baby down and go sleep! I get all tangled up in my thoughts ever so often. Its a choice to pace myself, and to meditate on the Truth, and as you say, it does SET YOU FREE. I can live and enjoy, love and give despite the uncertainties of relationship, and life itself, because of the hope for eternity! When you keep that perspective, its not so much about this life anymore and what I can get out of it, but its about how this life is about THAT life in Heaven and how God will saitsfy our thirst. Ive been pondering the Beatitudes and how it tells of the blessed man, the happy man, and its all about hungering for God. Do I let myself long for Him? When will I stop grabbing onto all these things in this world that are like a feast of mud? Thankyou for sharing! Kenj
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