Countdown to Meltdown

This evening I had what I would call a "freak-out session". It's what happens once in awhile, when I'm feeling overly overwhelmed to the point of drowning, and I let "things" get to me. Tears are always involved, the kind that come fast and furious. Said tears are usually accompanied by my nervous habit of biting my bottom lip...sometimes more of a chewing or gnarling. And a feeling of wanting escape. An insatiable desire to get in the car and just drive until I feel better. But of course, I never get out the door.

The Holy Spirit comes to my rescue when I call on Him... to calm me down, to comfort me. And while He does not take away the circumstances leading me into my mini-meltdown, He gives me that self-control, the peace and the temperance, that I may have lost for a few minutes. And then it's all over and I can think about why I'm even doing what I'm doing, and why it's worth it. Tonight I am feeling very worn out- but comforted. NOT despairing. Just really tired.

What generated my upset today was my school work. I have had a lot lately. It is several hours a day of reading and typing, reading and typing, typing, typing, reading, reading. Essays up the wazoo. I think when it is all over, I should be granted an honorary second Master's degree in essay writing. As soon as I finish one essay, I'm starting to plan the next one. It is rather grueling. I am ready for it to be DONE. But it isn't done yet. I still have lots of work to complete, and I have a deadline August 1st, which feels uncomfortably close.

Thus the freak-out session today, queue tears, lip-biting, etc. etc.

Mark- AKA my steady constant- ordered pizza, and that made it a little better. A curious form of anti-depressant, I know. It was stuffed crust. Self-medicating never tasted so good.

There isn't really a point to this entry other than to say that for me- for now- summer sunshine and sand and joyrides are on major hold. I hope to enjoy a sampling of those things in August before school starts again. But for now, I need to get back to Essay #347.

Just kidding. Kind of.

Let's end this on a happier note...LAMENTATIONS chapter 3:

"Waters flowed over mine head, {but} I called upon Your Name, O Lord, out of the low dungeon. You have heard my voice. Hide not Your ear at my breathing, at my cry. You drew near in the day that I called on You. You said, 'Fear not'. O Lord, You have pleaded the causes of my soul; You have redeemed my life." (verses 54-58)